Burping, farting, mouth-breathing miscreants..and a lush sunset
I worked from my country house today. I sort of love/hate saying that. Love because it's something I dreamed of and worked for, hate because it sounds incredibly overstated and bourgeois -- especially considering the modesty of the property itself.
Anyway, I came up here because a few weeks ago I got busted speeding. In all fairness, I was speeding. But I should say that it was in a bit of speed trap -- a few hundred yards from where a 30mph zone turns into a 55 mph zone -- I was accelerating into the new zone and bang! So I decided to appear in court to see if I could at least bargain them down -- I looked into hiring a lawyer -- $300 - $500 for them to show up on my behalf and then usually a fine on top of it anyway! So I represented myself.
Weeeeellll...all I can say is that going to night court in a small Catskills town is like living a page out of a Mark Twain piece. The quality of the characters accompanying me within Walton, NY's faux-wood paneled hall of justice almost defies description. The first up was a nineteen year old kid there with his mom; he'd been arrested for waving a knife at some other kids and threatening them -- a class A misdemeanor punishable by up to one year in prison! He was dressed in a muscle T-shirt and wore a camouflage baseball cap. Then came the family of oxygen-deprived telephone-harassers. The defendant, an overweight nearly translucently pale woman kept trying to explain her case to me and show me the two telephones she had in her hands as evidence that the prank calls she was accused of making were actually initiated by the complainant. She promptly dropped one on the floor and it shattered into pieces. I suppressed a laugh and tried to stare nonchalantly at the judge. Her family (there as character witnesses, I suppose?) burped and farted loudly throughout. Her sister (mother? daughter?) had easily 35 hickies on each of her arms and carried a babydoll. She was either 14 or 47 years old.
And that was just the start of the parade of shorts-wearing, tattooed, myopically-haircut, lawbreakers in attendance tonight.
As for me, I looked as idiotic as the rest of them -- all Banana Republican and coordinated, Blackberry buzzing semi-silently, expensive teeth etc. But I got off with a plea bargain and everyone else has a date in a few weeks with the District Attorney. And that's what being rich (well, relatively) does for you in America.
After court I drove home (minding my speed, naturally) over Bear Spring Mountain through such intensely green greenery that, well, it took my words away. When I got home I made some Mandarin orange herbal tea and walked to the bridge to hear the river where I saw an enormous trout jump out of the water. Following dinner on the porch with the paper and the sound of chirpy birds, I went into my backyard and lay myself on the grass as the sunset faded into periwinkle. I turned my head east because I figured the sky would be darker that way. I watched a couple stars twinkle their way into existence, just like the song. It's like they pushed their way out of the invisibility of daylight into glorious night time shimmering. The birds faded into bugs and swooping bats that I could hear before I could see. And then the river in the distance emerged as night fell.
Anyway, I came up here because a few weeks ago I got busted speeding. In all fairness, I was speeding. But I should say that it was in a bit of speed trap -- a few hundred yards from where a 30mph zone turns into a 55 mph zone -- I was accelerating into the new zone and bang! So I decided to appear in court to see if I could at least bargain them down -- I looked into hiring a lawyer -- $300 - $500 for them to show up on my behalf and then usually a fine on top of it anyway! So I represented myself.
Weeeeellll...all I can say is that going to night court in a small Catskills town is like living a page out of a Mark Twain piece. The quality of the characters accompanying me within Walton, NY's faux-wood paneled hall of justice almost defies description. The first up was a nineteen year old kid there with his mom; he'd been arrested for waving a knife at some other kids and threatening them -- a class A misdemeanor punishable by up to one year in prison! He was dressed in a muscle T-shirt and wore a camouflage baseball cap. Then came the family of oxygen-deprived telephone-harassers. The defendant, an overweight nearly translucently pale woman kept trying to explain her case to me and show me the two telephones she had in her hands as evidence that the prank calls she was accused of making were actually initiated by the complainant. She promptly dropped one on the floor and it shattered into pieces. I suppressed a laugh and tried to stare nonchalantly at the judge. Her family (there as character witnesses, I suppose?) burped and farted loudly throughout. Her sister (mother? daughter?) had easily 35 hickies on each of her arms and carried a babydoll. She was either 14 or 47 years old.
And that was just the start of the parade of shorts-wearing, tattooed, myopically-haircut, lawbreakers in attendance tonight.
As for me, I looked as idiotic as the rest of them -- all Banana Republican and coordinated, Blackberry buzzing semi-silently, expensive teeth etc. But I got off with a plea bargain and everyone else has a date in a few weeks with the District Attorney. And that's what being rich (well, relatively) does for you in America.
After court I drove home (minding my speed, naturally) over Bear Spring Mountain through such intensely green greenery that, well, it took my words away. When I got home I made some Mandarin orange herbal tea and walked to the bridge to hear the river where I saw an enormous trout jump out of the water. Following dinner on the porch with the paper and the sound of chirpy birds, I went into my backyard and lay myself on the grass as the sunset faded into periwinkle. I turned my head east because I figured the sky would be darker that way. I watched a couple stars twinkle their way into existence, just like the song. It's like they pushed their way out of the invisibility of daylight into glorious night time shimmering. The birds faded into bugs and swooping bats that I could hear before I could see. And then the river in the distance emerged as night fell.
posted by Ethan Rand at 9:38 PM
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